Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
