he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize