bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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