No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
