no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize