no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
