At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
