whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
