Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You're like the curious george of whores
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
