Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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