Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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