So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Girls should come with a carfax report
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
