If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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