What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
