So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
