I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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