Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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