i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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