You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize