so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
