where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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