I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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