Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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