i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
