just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
