I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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