Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
