Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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