"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
