dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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