So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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