I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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