I could have mohawked her pubes.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
