i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
