Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
