I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
