Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize