I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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