Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
