the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
