It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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