First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize