If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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