Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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