These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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