If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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