Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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