I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
