I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
