you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
