I hope mine doesn't look like that
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
