I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
