Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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