Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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