You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
