your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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