never play flip cup with pint glasses
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
