Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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