when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's the barista slut.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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