I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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