I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
