I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
