Your mouth is God's brothel.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
