So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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