just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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