i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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